Asja joins criticism of cartoons on Muhammad

President general of the Anjumaan Sunaat Ul Jamaat Assoiciation (Asja) Yacoob Ali has joined Muslims world-wide in condemning the drawings of the Prophet Muhammad in a Danish newspaper.

He apologized for joining the criticism late as he could not read Danish and had to wait for an English translation. Although Islamic tradition clearly prohibits depictions of Muhammad as it may encourage idolatry this is not where his criticism was leveled.

"Islam has never gotten a fair portrayal in the media. This incident is a prime example. There were only 12 drawings and I’m certain if it wasn’t Islamic there would have been at least 25 to 30. The quality of the drawing, lines, coloring and perspective were also just terrible. We don’t even warrant blasphemers with talent! It is a sad day when we don’t get the lack of respect other religions get."

"The press has a responsibility when it comes to freedom and religion. We have no choice; we have to read the newspaper. Thankfully it’s only required in languages we understand."

State pokes hole in Bakr alibi

Jamaat al Muslimeen leader Yasin Abu Bakr, currently on trial in the Port-Of-Spain third criminal court, had a devastating day in court yesterday after the state called Mr. Bakr's alibi, a Pizza Boys glazed donut, to the witness stand. Bakr, 63, is being charged with conspiracy to murder two expelled members of the Jamaat al Muslimeen and if found guilty could live out the rest of his natural life in jail.

In a surprise move by the director of public prosecution, Geoffrey Henderson, the glazed donut was called to the witness stand and then, with the index finger on his right hand, Mr. Henderson proceeded to poke a hole in the unsuspecting baked treat. The defense senior council, Pamela Elder objected, but the state pointed out the alibi already had a pretty big hole in it and that exploratory pokes were necessary to determine the true nature of the donut. The defense's motion to stop poking the donut was denied by presiding judge for the case, the honorable Mark Mohammed and the donut was found to be jelly filled.

The donut's testimony revealed it could not identify the location of Mr. Bakr on the 4th of June 2003 but under cross examination it also could not say it was not with Mr. Bakr on the day in question. Technically, it didn't say anything at all.

With the testimony of the donut complete, the state closed its case. The defense started legal submissions which are expected to resume today. After the hearing, the donut mysteriously disappeared and could not be reached for comment.

Rahael urges industrial action

While delivering the feature address at a joint venture between the ministry of health and the Pan American Health Organization, health minister John Rahael urged senior doctors to take industrial action as soon as possible. The senior doctors, who are public servants, are refusing to accept a Cabinet approved offer to transfer their positions to the regional health authorities and reduce their overall compensation package by 30% over three years.

If they don't stop working soon, Rahael warned, he and his ministry would do whatever it takes to ensure that members of the public get the most expensive medical health care the state can afford.

"We don't want to cause the state any unnecessary expense," a senior doctor was quoted as saying, "which is why we feel nothing less than a 50% reduction over three years would have any effect whatsoever. We are better compensated than most of the top 1% of the population, so we really could use a pay cut."

According to public service records, no category of workers have requested such a large cut in compensation in the last 10 years.

"All we want to do is help," another senior doctor chimed in, "and they pay us way too much as it is already. If the state didn't have such good monetary policy, we would accept the 30% reduction in a heartbeat."

Despite this stance by the senior doctors, Mr. Rahael insisted that while the country's public health care facilities were well funded, the senior doctors are in real danger of being under-compensated. Mr. Rahael stated that Cabinet had even approved back pay and an increase in the doctor's compensation, but they would not hear of it. "They told us to keep our money and give it to someone who deserves it more, like the local oil and gas companies," Rahael recounted. "When we told them that they earned the increase by giving of themselves and never complaining, they reiterated their stance and added that they were not in it for the money."

Rahael was confident that the doctors would take industrial action soon to force the 50% reduction in compensation. "I can't understand why they haven't done it already," Rahael was quoted as saying, "If I were them I would have crossed that line long ago and forced the government to increase my pay cut."

The senior doctors are reluctant to withhold their services from the populace however, stating that the population of wounded and sick shouldn't have to suffer for the current impasse. It was learned that if industrial action isn't taken soon by the senior doctors, the government had a contingency plan in place. Although he did not elaborate on what exactly was involved, minister Rahael hinted at possibly closing private hospitals and re-opening them to the public with more than adequately-compensated medical staff.

A spokesman for the senior doctors, when he learned of this plan, refused to take time to speak to the media and offer an official statement as he was too busy performing emergency surgery on a homeless man.

TSTT Gives refund - Customer still in shock

A man is warded today in the St. Clair medical centre in what authorities are calling a case of severe shock. Eyewitness reports place the man at TSTT's park street branch office at approximately 10:00am.

"He just walked in and joined the line like everyone else," Stacey Dookeroo testified earlier. "When he reached the front he took something out his pocket and handed it to the teller. I didn't see what it was, but it looked like a bill."

The TSTT customer service representative corroborated Ms. Dookeroo's story and added that the man had a complaint concerning some calls that were charged to his account. The TSTT's customer service representative's aunt's brother's first-cousin's nephew's father was responsible for dealing with the customer's issue.

"It's corporate policy that they pay first and then we refund them after investigation," he said, visibly restraining the urge to laugh out loud. "For some reason, that just didn't happen here."

Corporate Communication's spokesperson, Beverly Hyatt, the sister of the uncle of the grandson of the second cousin of the TSTT's customer service representative's aunt's brother's first-cousin's nephew's father categorically denied the refund. "He still owes us money," she said in a telephone interview before static cut the call off.

Aim and objectives

Satire is easy. Good satire isn't though. I believe that if you truely understand a topic, satire and comedy can demonstrate a point of view which may provide an interesting point of view or counter-argument in an entertaining manner. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.